Hello everyone!

My bags are packed and in the car, and I'm about to head to the airport!! With the little sleep i got last night, suprisingly my eyes are open and im not dragging yet! I'm excited as i could possibly be, and I cant wait to come home and share with everyone how it was!! Thursday i ran into a little problem. :-o! I recieved a call from world servants (thats the group who im with) that i never sent in a minor release form so that i could enter ecuador..and it needed to be notarized and with my parents signatures..the problem..my parents are in europe!! SOO...my sister signed it!..but..please pray that i wont have any trouble getting into ecuador! MOST IMPORTANTLY!!---please be praying for the people we'll come in contact with in ecuador, that their hearts will be open to hearing Gods word, and that we are able to build some relationships and plant some seeds!! Well..its time to go!! ill write again when i come back!

Wow! its been a looong time since i updated xanga! I've been pleasantly suprised to see that new people have been reading my xanga. Even that despressing last post! But the fact is, in that last post alot of reality was put in your face, which sometimes can be scarey. I'll be leaving for ecuador in a week, and im very excited! I'm a little nervous, but i know that God has it all under control. I cant wait to see how God is going to work down there. everyone please be in prayer for the Word Fm (103.5) missions team. and for the people we will be ministering to down there.  Well i can't write long on here, much picking up to do, and little time. (i slept in untill 11am today! yikes!) I will make a new post before my departure to ecuador for everyone to read while i am away, so keep your eyes on xanga! lol. have a great day!

"this is the day that the lord has made! let us rejoice and be glad in it!"

This one is for my loyal reader martin.....I know its extremely late..and it wont even be that great...but i thought i better let you know about my "getting smacked in the face" day.

Well....lets go back in time about a few weeks..wait..i mean..last week.  (Time has gone by soooo fast!) Ok..lets begin.

Have you ever had one of those times where you just are stuck. I mean STUCK. You are down so far you feel like your echos just bounce off of the dirt and never reach the top of the hole....causing you to be stuck even more because theres no way of being rescued.  Stuck so much that you are just in one of those moods where you dont even feel like getting out of your bed in the morning (wait..thats everyday) No..i mean like you cant get out because you dread facing what the day is going to bring. WELL...Lets just say that was me. I was down and stuck. I guess it has alot to do with the whole mixed emotions of graduation. I Mean..4 years!!! 4 Years of your life brought to an end. For some exciting..for others..well..not. Trying to gather in my mind what i have left in peoples lives was going no where.....I was Down cuz well...I waisted the past four years of my life. Sure...i had great times....but uh...Have I really made a difference? Well my good friend martin...I think i need to do some explaining..because you may be sitting there remembering some great times you've had, maybe even some where my prescence was so greatly upon you. (Many nights with you and Jared...Do you remember when we had pizza at my house and bugs were flying into it..haha...i just thought of that) Back to the explaining. Now after you have completed 12 years of catholic school (i think) Maybe you can understand. I know that i have left some kinfa impact on some people..wether it be good memories, or a kind act..something. Maybe i made them smile once. BUT...Thinking about how This may be my final goodbye to some of those kids was really killing me. Sure..there are a few i could rejoice with..because an ETERNAL impact has been made on their lives..i will see them again. But having some of those kids leave my sight was hurting (which happened tonight by the way..congrats class of 2003) IT was like seeing them walk into eternal damnation. Because..unfortunately...I know thats where some of them will go. I do not wish that upon them. Unfortunately...this is whats causing me to be stuck. I DIDNT DO MY PART. For all those times i felt God pressing my heart to talk to someone...to tell them of all He's done,...ANd I didnt..well..Im learning i should have. Wether you think/realize/believe this or not...one day i will have to stand before God while He asks me about those moments..saying to me "why didnt you listen, why didnt you tell them about my love" and while I have to stand there and give an account of why i didnt go and talk to "Susan" about Gods love...I may be seeing "Susan" being cast down into hell hearing her wailing and grinding her teeth. (Now you may find it funny i put it like that..but think about it. God blesses even those who dont know him now. Ever hear of someone in  a car accident that should have killed them but they survived? * can you say Gods blessings?!?!* OR what about a child being born? Anyways...Once they are in Hell...God will NEVER bless them again. NEVER! JUst imagine never having an ounce of joy in your life again...thats what it will be like for them)And you know what...maybe if i would have listened to God..maybe they wouldnt be in that place. NOW...>I understand and know that if God wants something to happen..He'll do it. HE'll make a way no matter what. BUT>....I still have to give an account for everyhting I have done and will do. SO....what have you done with the past four years of your life? NOW>.about being smacked in the face.....

On the way to church last sunday while feeling all these feelings...(even the feeling of missing those guys) I listend to a pastor on the radio. HE was challenging  a group of seniors to live for Christ. Not just say you are a christian..but live your life for Him. He was reminding us of the fact that once we leave in august..almost everyone we meet will try to take God out of our lives in some way or another. He asked a hard question. Is my faith firm enough, are my roots deep enough, to stay living in CHrist. Well...that was  a challenge. My heart knows the answer, it I know my weaknesses and strengths....One challenge I need to start livin up to is actually being serious in Gods word. After listening to Him talk..Or shall i say being smacked in the face...because me being down definately was not good..(I needed a wake up call) I realized I have a challenge to face for the rest of my life. I dont ever want to look back again and feel this regret. The challenge i have in my heart (i put it out to you also) is this.....I will not leave one person that comes into my life without sharing Gods love with them, but before i can do that..I will not let one day go by without thanking my creator for that day and without spending time in his word with Him. This post is kinda off track thinking..but i am going to put up a nice one about graduating soon. I will try to make it a bit nicer..and sorry for not telling you everything about being smacked in the face and all.....basically it comes down to this. I had all this potential through God...but I never pushed on..affecting other peoples lives because of it. Now...after realizing I have to start from point A all over again, I must start to train to run the race again.

I've learned alot today....So look forward to a 'This is how i was smacked in the face....but my eyes and heart where being opened' post.......When i wake up and this migraine is gone!!

Just got out of work (Monday night/ tuesday morning) what fun! Need to do some xanga writting..will you listen?..........

A gasp overtakes me, a swelling arives. I break down with tears uncontrolable. I'm gagging on my own breath. Pick me up...give me air. Restore my soul.

Loud laughs and shouts, I dance with joy. This glorious song is running inside of me. Won't you come and play?

Racing thoughts. Doubtful images. The panic builds, my stomach twists. Please tell me it will be alright.

Huummmmm. hummm. SHHHHH! Can't you hear it? The silence....it consumes you!